User blog:TAR superfan/Amazing Race: Cartoon Edition

''Please keep in mind this is a rough draft. I am still working on the legs in France and Taiwan, and will put out a revised edition soon. Thank you! *pay no attention to the table of contents pull out, as trouble formatting wacked this out. Just don't open the attachment and keep reading''

Cast

'''Amazing race: Cartoon Edition proved to be a big hit with viewers, and though the questionable future of the franchise was in the balance, it was a great decision to include many American celebrities to increase viewership. This edition was truly the boost the Amazing Race needed. Jeffy and Dolly from Family Circus reportedly applied without their parents consent and were miraculously chosen, but upon discovery their Mother cancelled the entry, owing in part to the children’s early bedtimes. We are very grateful to Heart and Dean for stepping in to replace our final team.'''

'''A new innovation this season was the Merge: similar to a Roadblock, a Merge is a mandatory task that both members will complete together. This can be both in place of or accompanying a regular Roadblock in the same leg.'''

This Race also featured a first-time franchise visit to the Faroe Islands, and rare visits to Lithuania, Mongolia, and Tahiti.

Team Good Grief

'''Linus and Lucy, both from Peanuts. Linus always carries around his precious blanket, which is the focus of some of Lucy’s frequent temper bursts. The team was a regular in the bottom half, having many close calls before an easily avoidable argument caught them out. Strengths: Linus is able to handle Lucy in any situation while still keeping his cool and continuing the race in the midst of the battle. Weaknesses: Linus’s blanket and Lucy’s vocal demeanor.'''

Team Never Grow Up

'''Calvin and Hobbes, both from Calvin and Hobbes. Hobbes, a tiger, frequently comes close to limiting their travel abilities. They didn’t let an early mistake smother them, but instead bounced back despite some very close calls. Calvin can often be seen in his Stupendous Man costume if you look closely. This team lasted a lot longer than I thought they would. Strengths: Hobbes’ wisdom and general understanding of the game, and ability to make friends. They make some odd strategic decisions along the way, but are very much a team to beat. Season Superstars'''

Team Monday

'''Garfield the cat and Jon, both from Garfield. Donut loving Americans, Garfield needs extra legroom on most of the flights and has an ability to be easily frazzled at some of the monotonous tasks. They have trouble making friends and alliances, but seem content with racing alone. Their strengths include Jon’s logical thinking and Garfield’s size, which they often bill as an emergency. Weaknesses: all food based challenges.'''

The Bosses

'''Dogbert and Catbert, both from Dilbert. Both executives in the same company and Dilbert and Wally’s bosses, they are collectively worth millions of dollars. Their motto is “work smarter, not harder” which is ironic because this is exactly opposite of what they usually choose to do during the Race. Strengths: bribing many of the employees they encounter. Weaknesses: working harder, not smarter.'''

Team LazyDay

'''Dilbert and Wally, both from Dilbert. They know a thing or two about strategy and are very productive with their logical approach to all the tasks. Finding the fun in everything, Wally and Dilbert also enjoy playing small practical jokes on some of the weaker teams. After the race aired, there were also many forums devoted to how it could be physically possible for Dilbert’s tie to maintain that upward shape for so long. Their strengths include the ability to have fun and not take any of other teams’ threatening comments personally and taking it easy when they can. Weaknesses: terrible luck with cab drivers, and well, taking it easy when they can. SEASON SUPERSTARS'''

Team Expletive

'''Rat and Pig, both from Pearls Before Swine. Pig says he applied for the race to get away from problems at home, and Rat corrects him by saying that not only does Pig not have any problems, but argues that he isn’t very bright by taking Rat along, which gives you an idea of how their friendship works. although there are no serious arguments, this team generally doesn’t get along with each other. They are a seemingly innocent pair, so Rat and Pig can easily make alliances and don’t really have any enemies. Weaknesses: because he is usually on a hangover due to his alcoholism, Rat can’t really contribute anything to the team’s effort.'''

Team Doomed

'''Brutus and Wilberforce, both from the Born Loser. This team meant well by applying for the race, but immediately experienced luck that entered a realm of disastrous. They aren’t around long enough to establish any strengths, but their weaknesses include being Born Losers.'''

Team Hello

'''Hi and Lois, both from Hi and Lois. They looked like a team to forget in the beginning, coming in the bottom three on a regular basis. They bounced back, however, and with a little more time they could have established themselves as a team to beat. This team is a textbook example of how quickly the race can turn around; in one leg, navigation errors and trouble with the Roadblock was all it took to defeat them. Strengths: dealings with locals, and Lois’s expertise with maps. Weaknesses: horses.'''

The School Sweethearts

'''Jeremey and Sarah, both from Zits. Both in the same classes in high school, Sarah maintains that Jeremey applied, not her. From the first leg they seem almost confused at the concept of the race and struggled to keep up with the rest of the competition. However, it all came down to one error while all other teams were around that set them behind. Strengths: Sarah can speak multiple languages, however they aren’t around long enough to visit any of the countries whose languages she can speak, essentially making this a shortcoming. Weaknesses: navigation.'''

'''Team Trivial Robert and Satchel Pooch, both from Get Fuzzy. A very mellow team, Rob states that if Bucky, their cat, came along, they wouldn’t have had much fun and the whole team dynamic would change. I’m sure that went over well during the home viewing. Again, this team doesn’t ever have any alliances, but they don’t need to, as the progress great on their own. Strengths: Satchel can always maintain a positive outlook in almost any situation, enabling Rob to have lots more fun than any of the opposition. Weaknesses: lifting weights and running.'''

The Nerds

'''Peter and Jason Fox, both from Foxtrot. This team is one of the few pairs to come into the race with a predetermined strategy and will stick to their plan at all costs. Peter can take on most of the physical challenges, and Jason can get them through the mental ones, but on Detours they encounter visible trouble joining the two. Their strengths include high energy and high spirits, along with several strokes of luck. Unfortunately, their enthusiasm flutters dramatically once fatigue sets in. SEASON SUPERSTARS'''

The BFF’s

'''Heart and Dean from Heart of the City. Dean enjoys scaring Heart with his habit of buying strange street food in various nations. A very young team, they find themselves barraged with alliance requests from the more dominant teams who think of Dean and Heart as vulnerable. Heart and Dean take great pride in outlasting those teams and show themselves as pretty formidable. Strengths: being underestimated and exceeding expectations. However, they are the poster children for teams that would benefit from a little more skill at making out street signs.'''

*Spoiler Alert – many, many, MANY inside jokes ahead*

The Gameplay

Leg 1: “We’re not on canvas anymore!” –Pig

U.S. to the Netherlands

'''For team Good Grief it was quite an emotional start, as all twelve teams started at Charles Schultz’s studio Museum (the race was filmed before the tragic fire burned it down). On the starting line, Linus recounted all the good times they had there, before Lucy started to yell at him to shut up because crying is stupid. Phil seems very taken aback by this. Garfield is also having personal issues, as the starting day just happens to be a Monday. Finally, the race begins, with a lot of the opening sequence showing Lucy yelling at Linus to ditch the stupid blanket because they would be able to run faster without it. We get the usual “GO-GO-GO-RUN-FAST” from the frantically sprinting teams, and frankly anyone who needs reminding to run this early in the game shouldn’t have applied.'''

'''Wally already calls an alliance against “purple shirt girl” who he already considers “an enormous pain”. '''

Calvin thinks Heart looks a lot like Susie.

'''Their instructions are to fly to Amsterdam Harbor to claim marked Toyota Camrys and locate the Star of the Seas barge, where the captain will give them the next clue. Calvin and Hobbes are first to the airport, first to take off, and first to land in Amsterdam, thanks to their handy little wagon. We are also shown a scene of a very stressed out Rat having a beer at the airport’s bar. Team LazyDay hail a slow cab driver that allows 4 teams to pass them on the way to the airport alone. The flights worked out like this: 1st flight leaving at 10:24 a.m.: Calvin and Hobbes, who are bound to receive a penalty for taking off in the wagon. 2nd flight leaving at 10:30 a.m.: Team Hello, Team Good Grief, and The Bosses. 3rd flight leaving at 11:00 a.m.: The School Sweethearts, Team LazyDay, Team Monday, and Team Expletive. 4th Flight leaving at 11:25 a.m.: The BFF’s, The Nerds, Team Trivial, and Team Doomed.'''

'''Dogbert and Catbert take great offense to being placed “only”, as they said, “in economy class?!”  They were expecting first class, but that is a no-no on the Race. Garfield needs extra legroom.'''

Anyway.

'''When they arrive at the ship, somehow everyone is all bunched up. The audience has no idea why, but it becomes apparent teams can’t locate the clue. Satchel makes a joke: if the captain was handing out the envelopes, wouldn’t it be funny if he was driving the ship out to sea at the same time? HaHa…wait. Robert realizes that if the captain has the clues, then maybe he’s just standing in the control room! So they trek there and retrieve the clue. Satchel announces they’ll look in the cargo hold, when in reality they’ll sneak to the car and head towards the Detour.'''

'''This leg’s Detour is Drive or Dive. In Drive, teams visit Circuit Zandvoort, a wildly popular racing venue in the Netherlands. Teams will enter a 2 person go-kart, where one person steers and the other brakes, and complete 10 laps of the track. In Dive, teams visit the Olympique Diving Centre, where players leap off two springboards and attempt to enter the water at the same time. “Dive” was a switchback from season 14. Satchel, who hates water, decides they should opt for Drive (all the teams with animals do the same). Meanwhile, everybody but Team Doomed has found the clue and is heading toward the Detour. Lucy, who knows aeronautics and body awareness from numerous football-related experiments with Prof. Charlie Brown, elects Dive. Heart of The BFF’s is really excited about the opportunity to finally drive a go cart. The Bosses prove rather annoyed at this choosing procedure, but choose drive thinking they could negotiate being chauffeured around the track. Garfield has some trouble fitting into his go-kart. '''

'''And you know what? More action and entertainment happened during choosing the Detour than at this leg’s actual Detour!'''

'''The Roadblock clue states “if you Donut want to do this...”(the Netherlands was the inventor of the donut). Garfield, who thinks this is a donut eating challenge, obtains a longing, exasperated, pure joy smile until he finds out what he is actually doing. He is making 5 dozen donuts. The individual must form them, fry them, glaze and ice them. He can’t finish more than a dozen without giving up and eating them. They think they have a lead, so they decide to take a penalty. This seals up Team Trivial’s victory. Satchel, who really misses them back in America, wags excitedly; asking the baker “Could I have a Cruller? Could I have a Cruller?” In a truly heartwarming moment, the baker says yes. They skip all the way to the finish line, back at the Port of Amsterdam, where they win not one but two express passes. Calvin and Hobbes arrived at the mat first, but received a penalty for taking their wagon when the clue told them to take a plane. The wagon has been confiscated. Here’s how they all finished:'''

'''Team doomed was still looking for the clue on the barge when Phil came to meet them to inform of their elimination. I guess it doesn’t help you win when you are a “Born Loser”.'''
 * 1) Satchel and Robert (Team Trivial): 5:34 a.m.
 * 2) Linus and Lucy (Team Good Grief): 5:52 a.m.
 * 3) Peter and Jason (The Nerds): 6:13 a.m.
 * 4) Heart and Dean (The BFF’s): 6:14 a.m.
 * 5) Garfield and Jon (Team Monday): 6:14 a.m.
 * 6) Calvin and Hobbes (Team Never Grow Up): 6:15 a.m. 
 * 7) Dogbert and Catbert (The Bosses): UNKNOWN
 * 8) Rat and Pig (Team Expletive): 6:15a.m.
 * 9) Dilbert and Wally (Team LazyDay): 6:22a.m.
 * 10) Jeremey and Sarah (The School Sweethearts): 6:37a.m.
 * 11) Hi and Lois (Team Hello): 6:54a.m.
 * 12) Brutus and Wilberforce (Team Doomed): ELIMINATED

Leg 2: Tryouts for the Remake of Groundhog Day

The Netherlands

'''The typical rest period on most legs is 12 hours, but on this occasion it reflects more like 24. No explanation is given. This leg also airs as a two-hour episode.'''

'''Teams embark on today’s leg in Amsterdam Harbor, where they are told to claim marked Hyundai Sonatas and visit the Keukenhof Flower Gardens, specifically the Willem Alexander Pavilion. The pavilion is near the northwest end of the flower gardens, so any teams coming from the south end will have to run a few miles along the paths of the park to reach the Willem Alexander Pavilion. Team Monday asks a local for directions and his hand motions seem to imply all of Europe, the entirety of space and time, and an alternate dimension. '''

'''Inside the pavilion is the detour clue: Bouquet or Clay. Bouquet requires teams to arrange ten flower bouquets in five different designs. If the meticulous eye of the florist deems the bouquets satisfactory, with all the flowers in the right pattern, he will hand teams the next clue. In “Clay”, teams use clay and the usual tools to create and dye 4 clay pots the flowers are displayed in. Lucy says she doesn’t want to do either, but ironically is more than unhappy when Linus picks Bouquet.'''

'''Which brings me to one of my peeves of the show:  if you’re going to have a detour, why not make it two tasks of equal proportions? Why create something that is far superior to the other knowing the other, lesser task will probably not be chosen and is a waste of time for all involved? Consider today’s detour: if there wasn’t a limit on flowers, requiring trailing teams to either wait for the employees to reset the task or switch detours, then no-one would pick “Clay” the entire time.'''

But anyway.

'''For some unknown reason the flowers are temporarily held in hay. This seems very dumb, as I would figure the hay would cut through the stems and damage the flowers. Lucy doesn’t want to touch the hay, so she makes Linus grab all her flowers for her.'''

'''Excuse me, but I think that needs repeating. She doesn’t want to touch the hay. '''

'''The detour doesn’t really matter as much as the next clue: drive to the Van Gogh Art Museum, which is back in Amsterdam. No one likes this back and forth between cities, exacerbated by the rush hour traffic.'''

'''The Van Gogh Art Museum offers yet another confusing clue: it’s only a picture of a painting, leaving teams to figure out the next route info is in the clue box in front of the painting (which is Sunflowers)  The clue box is on the second floor. Of all the teams, only Team Never Grow Up hits on a good strategy for finding the painting: ask the employees, who know almost every painting in the museum. Most teams grab a catalog, ask locals, or, in the case of Team Good Grief and The Sweethearts, just go inside the museum and walk around until they find the clue box. '''

'''To add to the culmination of a truly punishing leg, the Roadblock has teams restoring an old painting. Half of the painting is fully painted, and the other half is just a pencil sketch on canvas, minus basic background. This requires the individual performing the roadblock to successfully mix and paint the rest, in order to please the curator. Incidentally, teams entered the museum in broad daylight with no hint of sunset in the sky, but they come out in complete darkness. This shows how long the roadblock took: a few hours! '''

'''This Roadblock starts a trend which will continue until the end of the race: The Characters who are animals don’t possess opposable thumbs, making painting a nearly impossible task. Even as Calvin walks into the museum, Hobbes turns to the camera to confess that “it’s a terrible idea to let Calvin paint.” And much to the displeasure of the perfectionist museum workers, Hobbes knows Calvin all to well. He spills mod podge on the ground, which quickly dries and sticks to everything, leading Calvin to compare the mess to mozzarella cheese and informs the volunteers “I hope you like newspaper floor lining here because it’s not going anywhere.”  Hobbes can only roll his eyes as Calvin runs out with the clue and a hurried “let’s get out of here!”'''

'''Dean can’t reach the easel at regular height, so a crate for him to stand on is brought in, providing plenty of manufactured drama when he falls off multiple times. Jeremey declares he failed art class last semester, a factor which almost proved fatal after he proceeds to create an abstract painting, the opposite of the objective. Thankfully the curator narrowly passes him. There is only one painting per person, so when Team LazyDay, Team Trivial, Team Hello and The Bosses don’t pass the inspection, they are forced to take a penalty. '''

The pit stop is in the park surrounding Van Gogh Art Museum, where the Bosses are saved again by a non-elimination leg.

Leg 3a: “Tiny, miserable, invisible Legos” - Wally
 * 1) Calvin and hobbes (Team Never Grow Up): 8:32 pm
 * 2) Garfield and Jon (Team Monday): 8:46 pm
 * 3) Peter and Jason (The Nerds): 8:51 pm
 * 4) Rat and Pig (Team Expletive): 8:52 pm
 * 5) Heart and Dean (The BFF’s): UNKNOWN
 * 6) Linus and Lucy (Team Good Grief): 9:36 pm
 * 7) Jeremey and Sarah (The School Sweethearts): 9:47 pm
 * 8) Dilbert and Wally (Team LazyDay): 2:24 am
 * 9) Satchel and Robert (Team Trivial): 2:37 am
 * 10) Hi and Lois (Team Hello): 2:49 am
 * 11) Dogbert and Catbert (The Bosses): NOT ELIMINATED

the Netherlands to France

'''This leg opens with teams receiving instructions to travel to Saverne, France, and visit the Chappe Optical Telegraph for the next clue. This requires boarding one of three tour buses, leaving at 11:20 a.m., 1:40 a.m., and 4:00 a.m. Any team that passed the painting should have a fair shot of making the first two tour buses, and it shows:  all four teams who waited through a penalty are bunched on the last bus. Team Monday commits the horrible crime of arriving to the door of the bus before Team Never Grow Up, who forcefully tries to push them out of the way. It all comes to naught as both end up on the same bus, but this doesn’t stop them from glaring vehemently the entire 6 hour bus ride.'''

'''The optical telegraph provides the Roadblock, operating the four handles of an optical telegraph (which corresponds to four arms on a pole that are free-moving)  and making use of a printed alphabet of positions and their english letters to transpose a message (we weren’t told what) to another telegraph 2 miles away. The separate telegraph will transpose the location of the next clue, and it’s up to the participating player and their binoculars to spell out the message received. Nothing much of interest happens at the Roadblock, so we’ll just skip ahead, if that’s ok with you.'''

'''The Roadblock clue directs teams to travel by train to Besancon, France, which Phil informs us is the 19th century clock-making capital of the world. Teams will find the clue box in front of the gigantic Astronomical Clock in the Besancon Cathedral, which is located just a short walk from the train station. Precious few realize this, and waste valuable time asking locals and walking entire city blocks out of the way. This cuts to a montage of locals telling Team Never Grow Up, The School Sweethearts, and Team Expletive “Oh, it’s just back near the train station.”  They are not happy.'''

'''The clue in front of the Astronomical clock presents the Detour choices: Confusion Now and Confusion Later, both having to do with the clocks district, and both, evidently, are very confusing. In Confusion Now, teams must visit a local watch shop and fully assemble a men’s watch using printed instructions. Teams that would like to be Confused Later are tasked with carrying 2 clocks through the French streets to a hard-to-find printed address. I’m not surprised when most of the teams sincerely want to avoid both choices, as both seem equally challenging. Team LazyDay predictably picks the watch assembly, but loses an important screw, forcing them to crawl around for nearly an hour to find the antagonizing piece of metal. On the contrary, the BFF’s can come in and complete the building in seconds!'''

Leg 3b: “Babushka-style” - Dogbert

France to Lithuania

'''Teams are handed a clue directing them to Kaunas Castle in Kaunas, Lithuania, and are perplexed by the option of the first Fast Forward of the Race: a trip to Siauliai and its famous Hill of Crosses to count all the marked crosses, write the correct answer within five on a local newspaper and give it to a street vendor who will give them a copy of yesterday’s editorials, where the pit stop destination will be printed as an ad. Team after team become puzzled because of the option of an extra Fast Forward during a seemingly completed leg. Think about it: a few Route Infos, a Roadblock, and a Detour. The confusion is justifiable. What teams don’t realize is they have a whole other planned “leg” to complete before they reach the Pit Stop. The Nerds, already far behind, are the only team to accept the Fast Forward (reasoning “why the heck not?”) and it takes them only two tries to complete the counting, rocketing them to an easy victory and advantage.'''

'''For all the remaining teams, it’s off to the Kaunas Castle, where the clue is hidden it what can only be described as an eroded brick walkway with weathered wooden supports and a sloping tile roof. Tall players, such as Dilbert, Hobbes, and Lois can easily reach in and pluck out the clue, but shorter contestants, like The BFF’s and Team Expletive are forced to crawl through the structure, wasting valuable time and energy.'''

'''Once they reach Vilnius, they are instructed to look for Ivan. Next, go to Mexico and look for Pablo. All they have is a photo to identify him with, but it turns out he is sitting right where he is pictured at, which is darn convenient. “This is so extremely helpful!” shouts Lucy. “Now that we know what he looks like, we can search the entire country of Lithuania for our next clue.” Calvin turns into Stupendous Man (Sherlock, in this case) and becomes the first player to figure this out. The background shows Vilnius Cathedral, so that's where Team Never Grow Up goes. It’s fairly straightforward if you just use your brain!'''

'''We then are shown a scene of Team Good Grief searching in Jonava. Keep in mind the clue told them to search in Vilnius. Wow. This looks bad for Team Good Grief. Good Grief! But wait. Somehow The Bosses roll up, claiming it looks like Team Good Grief actually knows where they’re going!'''

And then Linus read the instructions.

And then the floodgates of Lucy’s crabbiness are turned on.

Good Grief.

'''So they both go back to Vilnius and find Ivan. This is the second clue in three legs that caused a very-difficult-to-recover-from problem.'''

Teams are also given the choice of the first Fast Forward of the Race: a trip to Siauliai and its famous Hill of Crosses to count all the marked crosses, write the correct answer within five on a local newspaper, and give it to a street vendor who will give them a copy of yesterday’s editorials, where the pit stop destination will be printed as an ad.  The Nerds are the only team to accept this offer, and it takes them only two tries to complete the counting, rocketing them to an easy victory and advantage.

Team LazyDay pokes fun at how The Bosses (their actual bosses) should have worked smarter, not harder, like they always tell Dilbert and Wally.

'''Ivan gives them the clue to the Roadblock: “So you think you can Dance?”  One team member must learn and perform the traditional Klumpakojis dance with a local street troupe to the satisfaction of the local passerby to obtain their next clue. All the women insist on doing this. Coincidentally, The Bosses’ Speed Bump for finishing last last leg requires both team members to perform the dance.'''

'''Calvin is very successful, but misses the last part, which allows Team Hello to jump ahead to the Detour: Russian Doll or French Press. They choose Russian doll, a task which requires teams to finish painting 5 Russian Nesting dolls, using one completed set as an example. You wouldn’t expect anyone to pick this option, as the roadblock the last leg was basically the same thing. In French Press, they must assemble 5 French presses using 2 partially built presses as an example. One partially built section is the top, the other the bottom. However, Team Expletive fails to realize that for quite some time. Team Monday, the only other team that chose French Press, points that out to them. Russian Doll is clearly the faster option. Team Trivial and Team Hello are neck and neck until, just like last time, a mistake befalls Team Hello, this time Lois accidentally spills paint on one of their dolls. It looks like another win for Team Trivial. '''

'''For all the remaining teams, it’s off to the Kaunas Castle, where the clue is hidden it what can only be described as an eroded brick walkway with weathered wooden supports and a sloping tile roof. Tall players, such as Dilbert, Hobbes, and Lois can easily reach in and pluck out the clue, but shorter contestants, like The BFF’s and Team Expletive are forced to crawl through the structure, wasting valuable time and energy.'''

'''Lucy yells at Linus the entire taxi ride to the pit stop, Isachsen Overlook, that if they got eliminated she would pound him. (the Taxi driver might have thought she was talking to him)  Here’s how it all shakes out:'''


 * 1) Jason and Peter (The Nerds): 5:31 p.m.
 * 2) Garfield and Jon (Team Monday):  8:06 p.m.
 * 3) Rat and Pig (Team Expletive):  8:07 p.m.
 * 4) Heart and Dean (The BFF’s): 8:54 p.m.
 * 5) Satchel and Robert (Team Trivial): 9:32 P.m. 
 * 6) Hi and Lois (Team Hello): 9:33 p.m.
 * 7) Calvin and Hobbes (Team Never Grow Up): 9:46 p.m.
 * 8) Jeremey and Sarah (The School Sweethearts): 9:59 p.m.
 * 9) Dilbert and Wally (Team LazyDay): 10:41 p.m.
 * 10) Linus and Lucy (Team Good Grief): 11:01 p.m.
 * 11) Dogbert and Catbert (The Bosses): ELIMINATED

Leg: 4 “Aaaaaaaahh!”- Everybody

Lithuania to Sweden to the Faroe Islands

This leg serves as an emergency replacement leg instead of planned France, due to the yellow vest gas tax protesting.

All teams are moved to Almult, Sweden, for the start of this leg.

Team Good Grief shares their thoughts about Lithuania: Lucy: “If getting lost is a tradition here, I’ve never felt more authentic.”  Linus: “I wonder if the apostles visited here, will all the cathedrals an’ all.”

'''Pairs receive a clue which tells the teams to go to the mothership IKEA and find the next clue at the bottom of the plush mouse bin. Sounds pretty easy and straightforward unlike the last couple of “first clues”, right? (at least I think so) Satchel jokes “if Bucky was here he’d think they were catnip mice!”  '''

Team Monday and Team Expletive have formed some sort of (possibly fake) alliance, as they wait for each other’s time for racing to begin so they can start the leg together.

'''Thankfully all the teams actually get to the IKEA. Phew! I thought this was going to be another “first clue” that baffled them all! But wait. It seems that only three teams actually make a bee-line to the plush mouse display bin like the clue stated. Those teams were The Nerds, Team Trivial, and Team Monday. Everyone else just methodically jump into the display bins and dive to the bottom making all the Swedish people laugh at the silly Americans, and making all the IKEA employees sincerely regret their job choice. Every time Team Expletive doesn’t find a clue, Rat spews expletives. We are then shown a scene of Hobbes leaning up against the plush tiger’s display bin sympathizing with them, meanwhile Calvin yells at him to keep moving.'''

The Nerds realize you don’t actually have to dive to the bottom of each display bin to get the clue: you can just reach through the mesh and grab it.

'''We then see team Good Grief leave the pit stop for this leg. Quite a difference 20 minutes can make!'''

''' The clue at the bottom notifies teams of the Detour: Cook or Count. These tasks, as Phil notes, are tasks commonly assigned to store employees. Cook requires teams to make (under the supervision of a trained chef, of course) and eat three IKEA specialties: Swedish meatballs with mashed potatoes and lingonberry sauce, lemon rosemary pork chops, and a raspberry chocolate tart (they would only eat one piece each of the tart, not the whole thing). Count requires teams to follow a marked course through the store as many times as they need, counting the products with an Amazing Race flag on them, producing the correct number: 129. Cook is the more fun choice, but Count is the faster one. Satchel jokes at Robert: “don’t burn the place down!” To which Robert replies, “oh, My cooking’s not that bad!”  Most of the teams that choose Cook don’t make exactly first class fare, with the exception of the Sweethearts (who like to cook) but it’s enough to get everyone their next clue.'''

There’s an exception to the rule as Robert, a vegan, can’t eat the pork chop, so satchel eats two.

Rat orders a beer from the IKEA restaurant.

'''The teams that do Count are, you guessed it, all bunched up together. Team LazyDay, a team of back markers, realized that it’s going to be a mad dash to the finish, just like the first leg, with 5 teams together on the same Detour. But Dilbert has a plan. There’s a display of towels arranged in the amazing race flag that counted, but no one else recognizes that. They decide not to say anything to the other teams, and when team after team after team get it wrong saying it was 128, LazyDay gives a little nod to each other and whispered the correct number to the attendant, who gave them their next clue. All the other teams are begging and even offering money (in the case of the BFF’s) to give them the right answer, but they refused.'''

Team LazyDay is now in First place.

'''The next clue directs teams to Gjogv, in the Faroe Islands, to go to the McCullum Family Farm for the next clue, which they would find from the maid in the guest bedroom. The clue is for a somewhat boring roadblock, where a team member would perform a cliff jump off of Syoradalur, a 67 foot tall picturesque cliff jumping location. The only entertainment this provided was 10 opportunities to watch silly people yelling “WHOOOOOOOAAEEEEEAAOOOO!”(Your spelling may vary) We were also grossed out when Wally, a cubicle engineer, jumped without a shirt. This Roadblock affected no one’s placements. In fact, due to the amount of time it took for each jump, it actually gave some teams time credits.'''

Back to the Detour.

'''On the next pass through, the BFF’s, Team Monday, Team Expletive, and the Nerds come up with the right answer. Team Never Grow Up and Team Hello don’t. Team Good Grief finally arrives at IKEA, gets the clue from the bin, and joins in with the other group on Count, who is halfway through the course. This turns out to be a big mistake, as their guess is 12. Good Grief! At this point, everybody else has left IKEA. They take one more pass through, accidently miss the towel display, and accidently counted something else, so its really a wash. They get the clue.'''

'''Evidently this is all a waste as all the teams that do Count, with the exception of LazyDay, are on the same flight. It all comes down to how fast they can find the guest bedroom. Team Monday confuses the Guest Bedroom with the Master Bedroom and at one point looks for the maid under the mattress.''' ==='''When they get to the ranch, the Sweethearts can’t find the house! When they finally do, they tag along with Team Never Grow Up, but with about ten minutes of set up time between jumps, this quickly evaporates, and they are the last team to the pit stop at Lake Sørvágsvatn, a lake on a cliff directly above the ocean.'''=== The School Sweethearts used their u-turn on Team LazyDay, but Dilbert and Wally had already passed the u-turn point and was unaired.
 * 1) ===Dilbert and Wally (Team LazyDay): 1:14 P.M.===
 * 2) ===Heart and Dean (The BFF’s): 2:47 P.M.===
 * 3) ===Rat and Pig (Team Expletive): 2:53 P.M.===
 * 4) ===Jason and Peter (The Nerds): 2:57 P.M.===
 * 5) ===Garfield and Jon (Team Monday): 3:10 P.M.===
 * 6) ===Hi and Lois (Team Hello): 3:16 P.M.===
 * 7) ===Linus and Lucy (Team Good Grief): 3:21 P.M===
 * 8) ===Satchel and Robert (Team Trivial): 3:28 P.M.===
 * 9) ===Calvin and Hobbes (Team Never Grow Up): 3:41 P.M.===
 * 10) ===Jeremey and Sarah (The School Sweethearts): ELIMINATED===

Faroe Islands to China to Mongolia
'''All teams depart (at somewhat regular intervals) from Lake Sørvágsvatn and are told to head to Loudi, China, and search for the Meishan Dragon Palace to find the clue on the main trail through the caves. Nothing very interesting happens between the flight to Loudi and the palace except Team LazyDay, with the advantage of leaving early from the pit stop, finds a flight connecting through Paris that gets them a considerable advantage. Everyone else connects through London.'''

'''Team Hello, so wearied by little sleep and perilous travel, is offered a flight to London for the connection. Her response? Asking the ticket clerk what country London is in.'''

There was a minor task at the palace involving the memorization of all the characters in the Chinese zodiac.

'''All the advantages gained or lost on the way to the airport is in vain; every other team has booked the same flight which leaves at 4:00. Assuming they don’t blow it, (which they almost do, due to another terrible cab driver) it looks like another win for LazyDay. People who struggle to pronounce Loudi will have even more fun with the next destination, as revealed on the clue at the palace: Tsetserleg, Mongolia. Apparently, this region is famous for its millet production. The clue at Tseter Plantation was for the detour: Field work or Foundation. In Field Work, teams need to harvest enough Millet to fill 4 burlap sacks. In Foundation, teams must “travel to the edge of the property” (about 100 yards from the clue box) and help the locals finish building the foundation for a yurt. Once the carpenter is happy with their work, he will give them their next clue. Being engineers, Team LazyDay decides to choose Foundation, which they execute with extreme precision.  ===All the other teams now start their journey (at somewhat regular intervals). The fact all the rest of the teams are so bunched really annoys the BFF’s, departing this leg in their highest position yet, but it gives Never Grow Up renewed confidence. When the plane lands, Heart complains about how loud it is in this aptly named metropolis. At the Meishan Dragon Palace, Team Monday arrives at the clue box the exact same time as Team Hello. Garfield, wanting the clue first, Clawed Lois in the ankle. Team Never Grow Up starts talking with an English-speaking farmer at Field Work. The man they’re speaking to says Calvin reminds him of his own child. This gives Team Never Grow Up renewed confidence. Satchel of Team Trivial, Notoriously bad at lifting weights (or any exercise regimen, for that matter) decides to try Field Work, but finds this difficult because he doesn’t have opposable thumbs. Rather than switch again, Robert remembers their Express Passes. They use one, and establish themselves in second place, not far behind Team LazyDay. Team Good Grief, who chooses Field Work, is bickering the whole time about how much easier it would be to pick millet if Linus dropped his stupid blanket. === ===The Detour clue directs them to ‎Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia’s capital, and the Gorkhi-Terelj National Park for their next clue: a roadblock: “Who’s hungry for speed?”  This task requires the team member to sit on a (immensely uncomfortable) burlap sack filled with meat of which kind we’re not told that acts as a basic saddle, as the selected racer rides a horse around a mile and a half in under 6:45, the accepted time for a beginning horse racer. Apparently the meat their sitting on becomes friction cooked. When the team member completes the task, they’re supposed to eat the meat out of celebration, but it certainly doesn’t sound very appetizing to me. '''===

Yes, once again everyone is bunched up at the final task.  Gosh I hate this…
==='''Heart just thinks its wild to ride a horse, and completely forgets about the time to beat. She is less than halfway around by the 6:45 mark. Then she looks at the clue and proceeds to face palm. Dilbert elects to do this one and takes –Count ‘em: 5 - tries to finally complete it. Half the people can’t figure out how to get the horse they were given to trot at a pace that could beat the time. Pig of Team Expletive clocks a 6:46.5, but is not accepted. Rat Swears. The teams all eventually get it, even though some take longer than others. Surprising us in last was Team Hello, who had some serious navigation issues the entire leg. They were one of the top teams in the beginning, but this proves that it only takes one leg to get eliminated.'''===
 * 1) Team LazyDay: 2:51 p.m.
 * 2) The BFF’s: 5:04 p.m.
 * 3) Team Trivial: 5:09 p.m.
 * 4) Team Expletive: 5:18 p.m.
 * 5) Team Monday: 5:26 p.m.
 * 6) Team Never Grow Up: 5:41 p.m.
 * 7) The Nerds: 5:54 p.m.
 * 8) Team Good Grief: 6:21 p.m.
 * 9) Team Hello: ELIMINATED

'''Linus of Team Good Grief notes that they’ve never finished very well, and their team really needs to pick it up if they don’t want to be eliminated. Lucy corrects him: “No, we need to finish in not-last place if we don’t want to be eliminated.”'''

Well, duh.

Leg 6: “It would be easier if everyone just spoke English” -Rat

Mongolia

'''Teams are told to head directly to Tövkhön Monastery, one of the oldest monasteries in Mongolia. Because the flight is so short and so many flights depart every day, each team is pretty much on their own flight, with the exception of Team Monday and Team Expletive, who seem to have formed a de facto alliance.'''

'''When teams arrive at the monastery, they must don traditional monk robes and find a monk with a yellow and red robe and physically ask him for the clue, rather than just stand there like puppets on break and wait for the monk to dispense the clues. The amusement factor in this challenge is that the monk is wearing a shoulder bag in which the clues he gives are contained, and all the monks there wear yellow and red robes.'''

Even more amusing is that this is actually a necessary detail that most teams won’t remember.

Today just so happens to be market day.

'''The monk with the shoulder bag delivers the detour clue: Manuscript or Monk Gift. In Manuscript, the contestants attempt to copy a note in Mongolian onto a separate piece of paper, copying it also into Mongolian. Once the monk overseeing the task approves, teams are given their next clue in the form of the note they just copied, which they would then have to get translated. Because Mongolian is so detailed and so much more different than English, it takes all teams no less than two tries apiece to copy the note neatly and correctly. '''

'''In Monk Gift, teams carry on the supposed tradition of giving the monk a gift after a visit to a monastery by, with officiation, burning an offering and giving the friar the correct shoulder bag worn by the first monk. They must do this by walking down to the market, finding the correct vendor, paying for the correct shoulder bag, walking back to the monastery, and burning the correct offering. Everyone is now so confused that Wally is the only one whose mind hasn’t yet blown. Adding to the frustration, teams must still buy the bag, even if they are wrong. Teams who go bankrupt must switch detour options. The colors of most of the bags are the same, the designs are very different and intricate. This also mildly annoys the monks, because with every failed attempt it’s just that much more incense that goes to waste.'''

'''The teams that forget what the white, red, purple, and blue shoulder bag looks like are LazyDay, The Nerds, The BFF’s and Team Never Grow Up. LazyDay seems to have struck on a good plan: actually go back and find the monk with the shoulder bag so they know what they’re looking for. This seems to work well, as they find the bag on their next try. '''

Heart amuses himself simultaneously grossing out Kat by buying a fried scorpion at the market, saying he “can check it off [his] bucket list.”

'''The remaining four teams pick Manuscript, and while Monk Gift seems to be the more difficult of the two, Good Grief proves otherwise. “It’s like algebra, only more difficult to write,” Linus notes. At any case, the translation isn’t as hard as finding a local to translate the clue for them, as the monks have tasks to do and the shopkeepers is the market have business to do. '''

'''The clue directs them to the roadblock, which is sewing a robe with instructions form an intern who is instructed to not say anything. The roadblock doesn’t affect any result; in fact, with minor alterations, this is the way they finished last leg.'''

Team Monday and Team Expletive agree to a tie finish, and Team Good Grief is saved by a non-elimination leg.


 * 1) Team Monday: TIE
 * 2) Team Expletive: TIE
 * 3) The BFF’s: 5:28 p.m.
 * 4) Team Trivial: 5:31 p.m.
 * 5) Team LazyDay: 5:45 p.m.
 * 6) Team Never Grow Up: 5:59 p.m.
 * 7) The Nerds: 6:26 p.m.
 * 8) Team Good Grief: NOT ELIMINATED

Leg 7: The Moral Parable of Lucy and the U-Turn

Mongolia to South Korea

Some teams start this leg carrying the extra shoulder bags they mistakenly bought from the last detour. =='''Teams are instructed to visit Terkhiin Tsagaan Lake, near the Khorgo volcano. This has an opening time of 10 a.m., which is the first mass bunching I’ve seen on the Amazing Race in a while. This allows Team Good Grief to catch up to the pack, a factor that will help them as they have a speedbump to perform as a result of finishing last in the previous leg.'''== '''When the lake finally opens, teams take a hurried stroll along a path to receive their clue: fly to Pyeongchang, South Korea, and head to the Alpensia ski Resort Winter Olympic village. Team Good Grief and The BFF’s manage to score an early flight, which leaves over 2 hours ahead of the competition. Everybody else is on the other flight.'''

The Olympic Village is impossibly packed with people, even though the Olympics ended a while ago.

'''Teams are shocked to find… a U-turn board, directly above the detour. Team Good Grief is also alerted to complete their speedbump before having the possibility of U-turning anyone. '''

'''It’s comical to watch two classic American idols sprinting in panic around a track to complete the speed bump, a speed skating relay race. Lucy yells at Linus to ditch the stupid blanket, as it’s dragging along the ice. '''

'''Meanwhile, Kat and Heart elect to U-turn Linus and Lucy, noting that while their team is “not really a threat, it would be nice for all the bickering to end.”  Lucy is ecstatic about it (not really), making so many threats she stops seeming angry and gradually looks like just another crazy person trying to get attention. '''

'''The detour is Winter or Summer, both having to do with the Olympics, which Pyeongchang held in 2018. Shout out to Phil for making us aware of this, as there aren’t 2018 Olympic logos posted literally everywhere. Winter requires teams to join 2 professional athletes in a 4-man bobsled and endure the ride down the sliding track. Summer directs teams to the gymnasium, requiring teams to score 14 points against a local table tennis junior team. So, again, they have: quick but scary vs. easy but time consuming. Unless you’re Team Good Grief, in which case you have to do both. The BFF’s choose Winter, citing “when’s the next time we can ride a bobsled?” It’s not that quick of an option, though, as the man in charge gives teams instructions and warms them up before anyone’s allowed to begin.'''

Everyone else now arrives in South Korea.

'''Incidentally, if you are U-turned and have a speed bump in the same leg, but have an advantage of a few hours over the rest of the competition, and this one challenge could help get you back in the running for a 1-in-8 shot at 1 million dollars, would you complete the challenge right away or fizzle your advantage by arguing? That’s what I thought, too. Team Good Grief chooses to knock out Summer first, but argues and yells so much that it takes them less time to nail the detour in a few minutes than it does to get to a point where they can. They then proceed to blow their previous lead during the transition between detours, all while Linus steps back and lets Lucy yell. He’s the innocent bystander to the robbery. '''

'''            Most players who take Summer show astonishment that “ping-pong” is actually an Olympic sport, not a yard game. Everyone without exception underestimates the juniors, who are extraordinarily talented. This proves very difficult for most of the contestants who don’t possess opposable thumbs; Team Trivial and Team Expletive both elect to switch once this is discovered. All Winter provides is a chance for people to yell “whooo.”'''

'''The BFF’s move on to the Roadblock: “bag of letters.”  A team member must select a bag of mail compris ing different countries’ post deliveries. They must sort them by country, and choose any five countries’ piles and take to the streets of the Olympic Village, find each of the three countries mailboxes, deliver them, and return to their pile where they will find the next clue hidden inside. The sorting is fine, but Heart really struggles on the delivery. As Team Never Grow Up catches The BFF’s, Heart burns even more time by searching the wrong pile for the clue. '''

'''For some reason Calvin and Hobbes share a laugh when the country Liechtenstein arrives in their bag. I have no idea why.'''

'''It seems that in every bag there are at least two countries which start with the same letter. Most teams take both those countries is their five, thinking the dorms are arranged alphabetically. Well, they’re not wrong… it’s just that the dorms are arranged in the Korean alphabet, not English. Peter and Dilbert create a strategy: deliver to the countries with the biggest delegations (U.S., China, etc.) thinking those would be easiest to find because there would be more accommodations, and therefore a larger area, due to more people. This ultimately backfires on Peter when he realizes the mail slots are only in one section of the delegation’s dorms, and is forced to spend much longer than needed to seek them.'''

'''            Once the Roadblock has been complete teams must travel to Hwangtae Hoegwan Restaurant for their next clue, leading Heart to moan “Oh no! You know what restaurants on the Amazing Race mean, don’t you? Eating weird things!” And much to the discomfort of the viewers, she’s right.'''

'''            Yes, it’s this Race’s regional delicacies challenge. On the menu: San-Nakji, or boiled live octopus, cut into pieces and left squirming on the plate. This also marks the debut of the Merge, a mandatory task both team members have to complete together. Kind of like a Roadblock for two. We get the usual, expected reaction of disgust, but the smart racers just buckle down and eat it. We are grossed out even more when Calvin notes that he can feel the octopus still moving in his stomach. The only one who shows real distaste and puts off eating it for as long as possible is, not surprisingly, Lucy of late-arriving Team Good Grief. Finally, to Linus’s relief, Lucy starts to gulp down the “sea spaghetti”.'''

'''For the final clue, teams are yet again only given a picture of the pit stop, leaving teams to figure out or ask locals that they are going to Daegwanryeong Samyang Ranch, in the hills surrounding the olympic park. The teams that choose to just look around are not rewarded; Team LazyDay figures they can find the Ranch by driving around the perimeter of the Alpensia resort. This proves to be a bad decision, as they are left wandering around for over an hour and, for the first time, are now in the bottom half of the competition. However, it’s Team Good Grief that comes in last, due to the bickering and fighting the entire leg. Also disappointing is if they decided to work extra hard and complete all their tasks, their advantage would have probably carried them through to survive another leg. Are you beginning to see the value in just buckling up and playing ping-pong?'''

Leg 8a: “The Pit Stop that wasn’t.” -Heart
 * 1) The BFF’s: 1:36 p.m.
 * 2) Team Never Grow Up: 1:42 p.m.
 * 3) Team Expletive: 2:15 p.m.
 * 4) Team Trivial: 2:28 p.m.
 * 5) Team Monday: 2:41 p.m.
 * 6) The Nerds: 2:49 p.m.
 * 7) Team LazyDay: 3:41 p.m.
 * 8) Team Good Grief: ELIMINATED

South Korea to Taiwan

This leg aires as a two-hour special.

'''During the pit stop, we get the usual I’m-glad-Lucy’s-gone drama. Dilbert also notes that not only are they in last place, but are almost a full hour behind. Wally is starting to show signs of mild irritation, probably due to the lack of any good coffee.'''

'''Teams are instructed to fly to Taiwan, and drive to Tamsui Fisherman's Wharf to obtain their next clue. All of Dilbert’s previous comments are put aside, as every team is bunched on the same flight to Taiwan, although a last second sprint to the terminal for Team LazyDay is a necessity. Once there, Teams must take marked motorboats down Tamsui River to a series of buoys, haul one out of the water, and proceed to the destination printed on the buoy: Daotou Park. Fortunately, teams are accompanied by local fishermen, just in case. Like, say, Team Monday accidentally unknowingly directing their boat into the Gulf of Taiwan. Incredibly, every team stops at the park; no one overshoots.'''

Team Never Grow Up’s boat collides with The BFF’s, and loads of fake drama are played over this, while in reality the only thing that happens is what always happens when two sacs full of air hit each other: absolutely nothing.

'''Once the boats are successfully tied down (only Dean falls in the water trying), teams are asked to visit ‘AN Coast Cafe, which houses today’s Roadblock:  chopping 20 pounds of vegetables into specific shapes, sizes, and techniques. Again, this is another roadblock that is considerably time-consuming. Pig of Team Expletive has major trouble with the knife due to his lack of opposable thumbs, meanwhile Rat stretches out and orders sake. In the end, all the hard work pays off, as teams are treated to a cozy brunch upon completion. This cruel but effective gimmick presents teams with a dilemma: sit back, relax, and enjoy a delicious meal while risking falling behind, or gobble down the food the chefs so tirelessly prepared specifically for them.'''

'''Teams are referred to Taipei 101 Tower and take one of the 2 high speed elevators to the top floor to receive their next clue. These are the fastest elevators in the world, with a top speed of 60 miles per hour, and can make the distance from the 5th to 89th floors in about 37 seconds. This takes aback almost all of the competitors, even knocking Garfield off his feet. Even more alarming is the drop back down, as it’s similar to a roller coaster. Also at the top teams are instructed to pick up a Travelocity roaming gnome, which they must keep in their possession until further notice. (Travelocity, by the way, is one of the Race’s more vocal sponsors, with the gnome appearing in almost every season.  For the record, the Race has been paid.  We haven’t been.  We therefore move on.)'''

'''The clue at the top: “This” or “That”. Yep, it’s a blind detour, listing only the locations, leaving teams to find out the option they’ve chosen only once they’ve arrived. Everyone didn’t see this coming, and everyone thinks that by making one decision or another, they are taking a huge gamble. It turns out “This” requires a trip to Shilin Night Market, where Dean takes the opportunity to amuse himself by buying various strange street food. Teams are to deliver 2 pounds of herbal tea to a marked stall deep in the depths of the marketplace, then knock back a cup each. “That” has pairs delivering books 1 mile from Tianmu Creative Market to Taipei Japanese school, where teams will present the books directly to the children. '''

'''The Nerds, surprisingly, are brought to tears upon the delivery of the books to the happy, innocent, children who, according to Jason, “don’t know the world is dying.”  On that positive note, most players do exactly what the tea drinking aspect is meant for them to do: show general distaste and disgust at the bitter flavoring. Calvin, who is about the same age of the children, is not amused when the younger ones cower and hide from Hobbes, a tiger.'''

'''The clue refers teams to the garden inside Taipei Children’s Amusement Park, the site of the pit stop. Only, it’s not a pit stop because, one by one, teams are notified that the leg isn’t over, as Phil tells teams that it’s true: it’s this season’s uberleg.'''

Leg 8b: “That escalated quickly!” - Robert

Taiwan to Hong Kong

'''From the pit stop, teams are instructed to board a chartered helicopter flight from Taoyuan International Airport to Hong Kong, which surprised me as the Race tends to stay away from pre-bought flights. The catch: each helicopter ride has enough room for two teams, so each team must wait for one more to enter before they can take off. This isn’t as big a factor as the producers hoped, as the pairs were already bunched up previously. We see one of Team LazyDay’s only mental lapses of the race, when, instead of being the second team in Team Monday’s helicopter and thus completing the requirement, they hop in to an empty helicopter, unaware there is a helicopter with another team already inside.'''

'''We get the (incredibly unentertaining) reactions when the helicopter banks on a corner above the ocean from the vertigo-induced racers, but it turns out the real challenge is trying to decide who will exit first. This isn’t really an issue, because getting out before someone else would only grant about a 5 second advantage, which can easily be made up for.'''

'''Teams are instructed to perform a switchback from Season 30 and visit Victoria Peak, an overlook above the bustling city below, and the highest mountain in Hong Kong. Once there, they must find a photo kiosk, where the attendant will take their photo against the skyline, with the next clue printed on the back of the snapshot. Team Never Grow Up blow their previous lead by looking in the wrong side of the mountain, and The Nerds found a tram that takes them all the way up Victoria Peak. However, while it provides incredible views of the city, it’s incredibly slow and reaches the peak almost half and hour after the rest of the competition.'''

'''Typed on the back of the photograph is  the detour: “Ride the Hills” or “Count the Bills,” giving teams the option of riding the world’s longest covered escalator and moving sidewalk system, or visiting a local bank to count the Hong Kong Dollars in a bowl. There’s a catch to both choices, as the escalators are built in sections, leaving teams to chase after the next installment, which are separated by sidewalk, streets, and in one cae a whole block. Also, the entire ride easily takes at least a half an hour. In Count the Bills, after transmitting to the bank teller the correct number, he will lead them through multiple levels of security and into a heavily guarded safe to retrieve a suitcase whihc he will unlock to reveal… the next clue. I’m not a big fan of all the fake suspense and drama they manipulate this into and I’m pretty sure that everyone saw this coming.'''

'''The Nerds, unsurprisingly taking “Count the Bills”, have made up for lost time and leapfrog all the teams who chose the escalators. Garfield and Jon don’t pick up that, while on the escalator, those who are simply standing and enjoying the views should ride to the right, allowing passengers that need to hurry past them can overtake on the left. This not only angers the locals with the silly Americans, but also angers Garfield, who is visibly annoyed at everyone pushing right over him.'''

'''The detour aside, teams now must find the Hung Mui Kuk Road Playground, and show proficiency shagging tennis balls at the tennis courts during a local club match. Rather than becoming irritated, the tennis players embrace this and at one point have to stop play to catch their breath after they can’t stop laughing. each individual must be able to throw a single-bounce pass to the basket keeper (before running away terrified from the next serve), throw a pass to a player’s hand, and toss a player his towel. The latter proves to be the hardest, and many team members take at least 4 tries after throwing the towel much to short. At one point, Heart accidentally throws the towel during play, and much hilarity ensues, as she literally threw in the towel. Despite a lack of opposable thumbs, Satchel helps Robert complete this task with military precision, allowing them to leave first. (keep in mind they still have an Express Pass left). More silliness is provided as Garfield uses a spare racket to shield his head from the flying tennis balls. The locals in attendance fortunately embrace this comedy to an otherwise subdued, vanilla pastime.'''

Team LazyDay is once again stuck with a terrible cab driver.

'''Final clue: climb up the path to the Temple of a Thousand Buddhas. However, the clue instructs each racer to grab a lei from one of the statues and arrive at the pit stop at the top wearing it. team Monday sprints right up the path without grabbing a single one. usually this proves unimportant, but Teams Expletive and LazyDay are directly on their tails in a footrace for last, so when Garfield and Jon arrive on the mat without one, Phil informs them about the words of the clue. When Monday returns with leis, they are also informed of their fate. Team Trivial can finally claim top spot again, but unfortunately It’s Team Monday who arrives in last place. Teams reportedly spent the night in a nearby hotel, the perfect thing after those tiring legs.'''

�
 * 1) Team Trivial: 1:24 a.m.
 * 2) Team Never Grow Up: 1:49 a.m.
 * 3) The Nerds: 2:09 a.m. CREDIT
 * 4) The BFF’s: 2:18 a.m.
 * 5) Team LazyDay: 2:35 a.m.
 * 6) Team Expletive: 2:57 a.m.
 * 7) Team Monday: ELIMINATED

Leg 9:“This is a job for robots”- Dilbert

Hong Kong to Malaysia

'''Team Expletive become visibly disappointed with the loss of their alliance in Team Monday, so they approach Team Trivial for the possibility of another. The tv version of the episode provides no conclusion, but in later interviews Rob touches on the fact that if they were going to work together, it would require him and Satchel to blow their first-place advantage by waiting more than 90 minutes for Team Expletive’s release time.'''

The Nerds are awarded time credits due to production delays that compromised them last leg.

'''Teams are instructed to fly to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and visit the (aptly named) Kuala Lumpur Bird Sanctuary, where they will pick up the clue from the mouth of a trained Rhinoceros Hornbill. Team Trivial’s first place advantage is thwarted by Team Never Grow Up, who arrives at the gate with mere seconds to spare. For no reason, everyone who successfully grabs the clue from the birds spends the next five minutes congratulating themselves on their strength and moral superiority. It’s just a bird! '''

'''The clue, “wet with bird slobber” reports Hobbes, gives instructions to progress to  the Menara Kuala Lumpur, an extremely high landmark (we’re talking about 1500 feet in the middle of downtown) with an extreme view. It’s extremely scary to be on the outside. You can probably figure out what’s about to happen.'''

'''The unassuming Roadblock clue: “Somebody’s gotta do it”. One person from each team will hook into about a thousand systems of belay and harnesses and, hanging suspended 1300 feet in the air, wash a window to the satisfaction of an inspector inside. Upon view of some of the racer’s knuckles, I didn’t know that many shades of white existed. Calvin opts to go for his team, noting his mom would probably have a heart attack when she hears about this. The crucial stage is after the completion, the inspector will show them a poster with the words “Dataran Merdeka” printed on it, leaving teams to figure out that it’s their next destination. Unfortunately, Heart scends before the poster is revealed, expressing great confusion when no one gives her a clue after she climbs back up. Because she couldn’t catch the words, she will have to perform this harrowing task again!'''

'''A crowd of onlookers whips out their phones to take a video. Well, duh. You would too if you suddenly saw people hanging of 129 story building.'''

Team LazyDay are once again stuck with a terrible cab driver.

'''The pairs are never told what to look for at the Dataran Merdeka, but we as viewers have black market info via Phil that the clue box is located underneath the flagpole. This flagpole is important because it marks the first raising of the Malaysian flag after independence (Dataran Merdeka literally means Independence Square). this park also happens to be an ametuer cricket field. A large double u-turn board is also slyly tucked into the surroundings of the box. No one has any trouble finding the box and the clue. Not hard to miss, Right? Team Expletive proves this theory wrong not once but twice, missing the box entirely. The Nerds want to u-turn Team LazyDay, but accidentally place their photo in the “u-turn receivers” slot. Quickly realizing their mistake, Peter rapidly replaces the photo. Upon discovery, Team LazyDay decides to u-turn the BFF’s, so they can “at least have some competition”, explains Wally.'''

'''The Detour dives a choice between “Real Life” and “Just a Fantasy”. In the former, teams must visit the Tuyoh River floating market, search for a marked float, and paddle around attempting to sell 6 coconuts for the going rate of 1 Malaysian Ringgit. The latter requires a trip to Flight Experience Kuala Lumpur where each team member must take off, weave through a series of cones and land successfully with minimal damage. For any failed attempt, they must wait in line again until their turn comes once more. For those with good salesmanship skills, pairs could jump ahead by knocking out Real Life in a matter of minutes, but for those who want an adventure, Fantasy is the way to go. Unless you’re u-turned, in which case it’s both.'''

'''Given Robert’s enjoyment of video games, Team Trivial chooses fantasy, and both complete the course on the first try, earning them a well-deserved 4th victory. The Nerds are also able to knock out the simulation easily. Ironically, Team Never Grow Up sees the wisdom in Real Life, and as a result leapfrogs teams who are in a Fantasy. The key to the boats, as Team Expletive discovers, is as one person is haggling, the other steers and paddles. Of course, Rat receives lots of stares with his threatening attitude and can barely complete all six.'''

'''The Bff’s are not happy with the result of the U-turn, given they are in last place. However, they somehow reach the river before LazyDay does. Why? Dilbert and Wally’s cab driver thought it perfectly ok to drive the opposite direction as the pool to pick up some other passengers! As you might imagine, this bodes terribly. However The BFF’s get stuck in freeway traffic while Team LazyDay can zip by on clear surface streets. But who will get to the mat at the KLCC park first, narrowly escaping the grasp of certain elimination?'''

Leg 10: “The one time people will enjoy my singing”- Wally
 * 1) Team Trivial: 1:27 a.m.
 * 2) Team Expletive: 1:31 a.m.
 * 3) The Nerds: 1:44 a.m.
 * 4) Team Never Grow Up: 1:52 a.m.
 * 5) Team LazyDay: 2:28 a.m.
 * 6) The BFF’s: ELIMINATED

Malaysia

'''Team Expletive still nags Robert and Satchel about an alliance, citing the fact Robert is vegan as a reason for recruitment. All Robert can do is nod his head in annoyance.'''

'''Teams must catch a flight to Sibu, a rural town on Sarawak, Malaysia, and visit the Sibu Central Market to ask for Marukawa Bubble Gum. All the teams have time to catch up, because the flight doesn’t leave until 4:25 p.m. The trouble with the gum is you have to go to the market manager to receive to gum, because, as there is no words or insignia printed on the label, most locals simply don’t know what gum they’re talking about. Satchel even sees a native carrying a pack, and asks where to find the Marukawa gum, but he just shrugs. (Robert then asks where he bought it: now they’re on to something) Calvin, an enthusiastic gum-chewer, is more than happy to eat both his and Hobbes’ share of the oriental gum.'''

'''Instead of a temporary tattoo inside, it’s the printed Detour clue: Balancing Flag, a trip to the Esplanade in Georgetown where they will participate in the Chinese New year tradition of walking 100 yards while balancing a large flag on their foreheads, or Spice Bag, stopping at the Tropical Spice Garden to find a woman crushing spices for tea, identify the fresh tea brewed with that spice, and serve it to a guru waiting on a nearby bench. Once he finished the tea, he would give the team their next clue. Both choices can be fast if done properly. '''

'''At flag balancing, Team LazyDay find they have remarkably flat heads, and can complete the course with no problem. Peter notes that he’s glad these flags don’t have to be burned if dropped like in America. Meanwhile, Rat and Pig discover the chief issue of Spice Bag: the aromas of all the different teas mix together, so either you can’t hit on the correct aroma, or you can lean so far over to smell it looks like the nose is in the liquid. All the teams who pick the spices are not amused when the guru performs the horrible crime of enjoying the tea. when simple coaxing fails, some, like Hobbes, start to yell at him to hurry.'''

'''Think for a moment: the better Detour choice would be to play the part of the guru, because he could potentially need to drink five cups of tea, in very close succession. And because he has no idea when the next team will arrive, he would need to sit for hours without a restroom break. Also, by the time some of the later teams arrive and pick the correct tea, it will be cold, and tepid tea is disgusting.'''

'''The Detour clue directs the pairs to Kuching’s rainforest World Music Festival, and the site of this leg’s Merge: singing “Gemuruh”,  a popular Malaysian song complete with Malay lyrics, on a stage in front of a large audience and full band. Similar to the singing task in Zimbabwe in season 30. This proves to be very challenging, as the tongue twisting language seems designed only for a certain mouth shape. It helps only slightly each pair has a voice coach to aid them in the correct pronunciation. Every team struggles, leading to a montage of respective players pounding their lyric pages in frustration. “It’s anybody’s game at this point” states Robert. '''

'''Then, out of the blue, Team Never Grow Up completes it, and one Aubrey Suwito ( a popular Malaysian song artist) comes bearing the clue. A ripple effect takes place: Team Expletive, The Nerds, and Team Trivial can also complete it within minutes of each other. This leaves only Team LazyDay left, and over half an hour passes before they can finally leave. Things become worse after they discover their taxi abandoned them, leaving them to find a new one. Sure looks bad for them; can’t imagine this big of a comeback. But wait.'''

'''Tien Kong Than Temple houses the Roadblock Clue: arranging 40 joss sticks into a specific color coordinated pattern, and successfully keeping all 40 lit at once for 5 seconds. The trouble here is not so much the arranging, but you have to work quickly as each stick doesn’t have that much time to burn.'''

'''Imagine going to a Buddhist temple to pay respects to a dead family member, or giving offerings to their idol, or virtually any other somber religious activity, and find upon arrival at least 20 cameramen and sound personnel, coupled with goofy-looking American celebrities. Sure changes the whole atmosphere of your everyday experience. Ironically, joss sticks are traditionally lit to commemorate a dead ancestor, so the locals wide-eyed stares are justified, as they think everyone has lost hundreds of relatives.'''

'''The Nerds choose Jason to perform the Roadblock, and he proceeds to knock it out first try, becoming the only player to do so this leg, and Team Trivial also easily accomplishes the exercise. Team Expletive and Team Never Grow Up are left to vie for the next clue, and think they have a comfortable lead over Dilbert and Wally. Wrong. Team Lazyday soon stumbles in from the harrowing taxi ride, and can complete the assembling and lighting in two tries, leapfrogging them ahead of the competition. At long last, Calvin and Hobbes can commence to the pit stop, leaving Team Expletive to arrive at the base of Wisma Sanyan, the tallest building in the state of Sarawak. All this racing comes to naught, as Rat and Pig receive the great news of non-elimination.'''

Rat and Pig used their u-turn on Team LazyDay, but Dilbert and Wally had already passed the u-turn point and was unaired.
 * 1) The Nerds: 3:48 p.m.
 * 2) Team Trivial: 4:03 p.m.
 * 3) Team LazyDay: 4:17 p.m.
 * 4) Team Never Grow Up: 4:31 p.m.
 * 5) Rat and Pig (Team Expletive): NOT ELIMINATED

Leg 11: “Bloody fingers, 101”- Calvin

Malaysia to Tahiti

'''The Nerds oversleep their departure time, which isn’t such a good idea this late in the game. They end up leaving after Team Trivial, who were upgraded to 1st.'''

'''Players having trouble pronouncing Malaysia will get a load of the next destination: Pape’ete, Tahiti, to look for the clue box in the thick of Heiva Rima’i, Tahiti’s premiere arts, crafts, dancing, and music festival. Seriously, there’s a lot of people here for such a small island.'''

'''A shortage of flights due to a strike at the Sibu National Airport means teams will have almost six hours to kill just waiting for takeoff, bunching all the teams together and allowing time to sleep. Once they do land in Tahiti, Calvin repeatedly walks right past the clue box, but the sheer amount of festival goers makes it nearly impossible to spot. Thankfully, the task here is not as difficult as last festival: a search for a marked vendor, who will equip them with traditional flower hei’s and grass skirts. A whole 4 million people are grossed out when Dilbert and Wally, software engineers, are expected to go shirtless.'''

'''It is now where teams are presented with the Fast Forward, a visit to a secluded hut on Col du Tahara’a beach for each team member to receive a traditional polynesian symbol for luck tattooed on themselves via the local Tatau, or pounding method. realizing they’re behind, Team Expletive lunges for the Fast Forward in the hopes that they can jump ahead and remain in contention, but immediately cowers at the mention of tattoo and rejoins the normal leg. Rat and Pig, knowing they were already behind, realize this is a dangerous maneuver which has been the end of countless teams in the exact situation.'''

'''The vendor’s clue conceals the detour: Sandcastle Search ecompasses a ride to To’ata island to scour among hundreds of sandcastles for two halves of a clue, the catch being every one knocked down must be rebuilt completely. (This was also a Switchback from season 16). Pearl String Perch, the second option, sends teams to the Robert Wan Pearl Museum on the island of Moto Uta to string 15 pearls each on a necklace. Because each task is on an island, Teams will use traditional outrigger canoes as transportation. Of course, we get all the reactions of cluelessness and balance issues on the outriggers, but no one has any serious capsizes, and it only takes a few minutes to become used to the weight distribution. Only Satchel makes the (particularly unhelpful) off-timing “Row! Row!” cries.'''

'''The latter option is especially hard on those who lack opposable thumbs, but even their human counterparts struggle too, with Robert, Calvin, and Rat all repeatedly cutting themselves on the sharp ends of the threading wire. Multiple fan sites discuss the use of peculiar drills that are seen, but not explained, in the tv version of the episode. These just turn out to be part of an unaired segment where teams must each drill holes wide enough for the rope in five of the pearls, hanging them along with 10 pre-drilled ones. The chief issue in the sandcastles is just the randomness, exemplified by Team LazyDay, who turn up the same half of the clue three times, instead of just the one of each necessary to piece together the next destination. The Nerds also don’t realize that the buckets and spades on a table near the sandcastles should be used, instead of rebuilding by hand. However, they recieve the same number of points back after Peter accidentally steps on one, and it just happens to contain the second half.'''

'''Teams are instructed to visit Au Pimet Rouge, a local food stand along the Reine Palmeira Boulevard, to try iaota, a local delicacy of raw fish marinated in coconut milk and lime juice. Once again, smart players can just compare it to poke and chow down, leaving no time for the expected gawking over eating raw fish. Jason does have a little trouble with the credibility of eating raw meat, but Peter uses science to help assure him the marination in acid makes it perfectly fine. From there it's off to Pa’ofa’i Gardens, where tugging on kite strings makes clues fall from the sky. Not always, just today.'''

'''From there teams are directed to Point Venus and the famous Point Venus Lighthouse, the site of today’s Roadblock: fully assembling a searchlight and replacing it with the one at the top of the lighthouse. Only after the old light has been lugged back down the stairs will the clue be delivered to the eagerly awaiting pairs. Dilbert, an engineer, has no trouble at all assembling the light, but as he discovers the real challenge is carrying the heavy beacon up the tight, twisting stairs. Another issue is the foot traffic: the stairs are only wide enough for one person, so a player will have to back down the stairs of crawl up the stairs in order for a space wide enough to form. This is realized by Hobbes attempting to get by Robert, causing an argument which evolves into camera-manufactured hostility for the rest of their time on air. Team Expletive, who had been working so hard to catch up, can assemble their light without issue, but clumsy Pig accidentally drops his at the base of the stairs, essentially sealing their elimination, as Robert, the penultimate player, is just making his way back down. '''

'''Team Never Grow Up, maintaining a slim lead the entire leg, sails to a surprising second  victory, after a string of second places. Team LazyDay, however, could have spoiled the party in a footrace if the specifications of the Pit Stop clue forbade running, to follow local custom, at Marae Taputapuatea, a very serious religious site for Tahitians. Team Expletive, still stuck at the lighthouse, desperately are trying to finish. This all changes when Rat spies Phil walking towards them, and in his true character, lets out a burst of swears. It turns out that all the other teams have checked in, and they are eliminated from the race. Rat, predictably, swears again, before mentioning how much he needs a beer. Elimination is difficult for Pig and Rat to deal with, and it would be disappointing for anybody this late in the game.'''

Leg 12: “No breaking children allowed!”-Dilbert
 * 1) Calvin and Hobbes (Team Never Grow Up): 6:42 p.m.
 * 2) Dilbert and Wally (Team LazyDay): 6:43 p.m.
 * 3) Jason and peter (The Nerds): 6:51 p.m.
 * 4) Satchel and Robert (Team Trivial): 7:19 p.m.
 * 5) Rat and Pig (Team Expletive): ELIMINATED

Tahiti to Argentina

'''There’s no Pit Stop intrigue, thank goodness, except for the usual and justifiable “were-so-close-I-would-hate-to-be-eliminated-now” type of thing. Teams are also surprised with letters from their family and friends.'''

'''Let’s recap. This is leg 12, there are four teams, and the first three to the mat go on to the final. Of any leg, this would be the worst time to be eliminated.'''

'''Teams are instructed to fly to Buenos Aires, Argentina, and visit the (once again, aptly named) Water Company Palace, probably the most eccentric water pumping station in the world. There are no direct flights, but all four teams manage to score seats on a connecting flight from Sydney, save Team Never Grow Up who manage to find a passage through Auckland at the last second. This gives them almost a forty minute advantage, elongated further as they take off ahead of schedule. As you might imagine, everyone is surprised when Calvin and Hobbes are nowhere to be found, leaving Wally to conclude they cheated, although Never Grow Up stayed perfectly in the rules.'''

'''There is no clue box at the Water Company, rather envelopes are dangling from five nearby trees. The Nerds are the only ones caught out by this curveball, searching the entire grounds of the building and wasting precious time before finally discovering the gimmick. The clue at the Water Company holds the Detour option: Horseback Goals or Empanada Rolls. In the former, Teams must don jockey clothing and bridle two horses and lead them to Campo Argentino de Polo where each team member must score two horse polo goals, while the latter requires folding 120 empanadas, half filled with pork and half with beef, and each half is finished with a different crimping pattern. Any wise teams shouldn’t risk the horse, because as a wild animal, you can’t predict how it will react, and polo requires the mastery of saddling and riding a horse, skills which I’m not sure any current players posses. On the flip side, the multiple types of crimping is time consuming, and remembering which filling goes in the correct crimp is even more difficult. '''

'''Calvin and Hobbes almost blow their early lead due to accidentally sealing the pork empanadas with the beef crimp, and vice-versa. This requires them to take out all the filling and start over! No other team has any such problem, beside the fact the general activity takes a while. The teams’ laboring proves worth it, as the clue is buried under a pile of fried pastries which must be eaten to reveal the envelope. Dilbert and Wally take one of their only risks during the Race and try the horses. Dilbert requests a “nice” horse, but instead receives one that dumps him twice!'''

'''The next clue directs teams to Teatro Lola Membrives, the local tango theatre, to perform a Merge in the form of a Switchback from Season 5: Teams must enter the club to find the specific dancer printed on the program among at least 15 constantly moving pairs, who will provide them with the next clue. If they choose incorrectly, they must return to the back of the line and wait for another opportunity. Everyone is constantly revolving, so unless you have them in your sights at all times, the correct dancer may be lost in the shuffle. Despite this, Team Never Grow Up also overcomes Calvin’s limited height to pick correctly on their first try, with Team LazyDay following closely behind. Team Trivial just arrives, but fail to spot the dancer on the first two attempts, allowing The Nerds to jump ahead of them. By the time Satchel and Robert are presented with the clue, it seems once again too late, as all other pairs are far ahead.'''

'''For the Roadblock, teams are directed to Las Pepas, a prominent Argentine Designer clothing shop, where the chosen team member has to transport three mannequins—a man, woman, and child—from a local park through the streets to a clothing shop, and dress and arrange them in the window, using a photo for reference. Once the judge approves their window display, they would receive the clue comprising the Pit Stop location. It doesn’t look weird at all to just walk down the road carrying a completely white mannequin. It turns out the most difficult part of the task is keeping the head, torso, and legs of the mannequin attached during the walk to the store. Taller Hobbes elects to carry for his team due to his tall stature, and easily completes the transportation, but as he learns, another challenge is clothing the figure, as its appendages are not flexible. Teams LazyDay blows their chance of victory for this reason, with Wally accidentally breaking an arm of the child! This means he must return to the park to grab a new child model. Peter uses his memory talents, and with one look at the photo he can construct the photo very efficiently.'''

'''Team Trivial arrives at the Roadblock and Robert hurries to and fro with all his might to complete the display. It’s a valiant effort, but by now the final teams have been decided, and one of the strongest teams in the competition have been bumped. It’s difficult to watch Satchel take the elimination, but the episode culminates into him and Robert leaving triumphantly with their heads held high.'''

Final Three Recap
 * 1) Calvin and Hobbes (Team Never Grow Up): 7:42 p.m.
 * 2) Dilbert and Wally (Team Lazyday): 8:03 p.m.
 * 3) Jason and Peter (The Nerds): 8:14 p.m.
 * 4) Satchel and Robert (Team Trivial): ELIMINATED

All figures are as of leg 12

Team Never Grow Up: Calvin and Hobbes

Wins: 3 Average placement: 4th

'''The youngest team still racing, Calvin and Hobbes are certainly the underdogs. In the beginning of the race, many players offered to alliance with them, thinking their age would give them a disadvantage. Calvin and Hobbes responded to this by not only outlasting nearly all those teams, but winning a few kegs in the process. Certainly a team to watch pull off something spectacular in the final. However, even though they posses the most wins of the three, statistically the team with the most wins usually doesn’t win the final leg.'''

The Nerds: Peter and Jason

Wins: 2 Average placement: 3rd Third place finishes: 6

'''This team is a double-threat, as Peter can use his scientific knowledge and logical thinking along with Jason’s physical strengths to overcome even the toughest of challenges. Although they are a very consistent team for the most part, they have a slight disadvantage for the final due to their last place starting position.'''

Team LazyDay: Dilbert and Wally

Wins: 2 Average placement: 5th

'''Although they have come in the penultimate position in several legs, the reasons for their placing are usually due to other factors, such as horrible luck with taxi drivers. Despite this, Dilbert and Wally are definitely the favorites coming into the final, maintaining a physical and strategic dominance that has caused many teams to fear them, as shown by the amount of u-turns they received. Expect to see them and Calvin and Hobbes clash throughout the final.'''

Leg 13: “Spiders in a metal web”- Peter

Argentina to the United States

'''This is it, folks: the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Teams are given a 36 hour rest period at the pit stop, a length never before seen in the history of the franchise, and everyone is ready and raring to start by far the most important leg of the race.'''

'''Players embarked on a pre-scheduled flight to Venice Beach, California, and as per usual everyone receives a seat upgrade to first class for the flight home. Once in Venice Beach, teams must make their way to the Santa Monica Pier. We experience the usual “Drive very fast were in a race don’t let them pass us” type of thing, which is particularly fun considering the streets are jam packed full of heavy traffic. The Nerds’ driver tells them a road he knows isn’t crowded, but informs them it would take completely off course. Peter and Jason weigh the risks, and decide to accept the danger and gamble on the detour instead.'''

'''And sure enough, it catapults them into the lead. For the Route Info at the Pier, players must don protective gear and hook themselves to the supports structure of the ferris wheel, attempting to grab the clue from the center as the ride spins. This is no easy task, as you have to remain constantly moving just to counter the rotations of the amusement. As The Nerds find out, the key is to wait until the ride stops for loading, then scurry to the center to retrieve the envelope. More interesting is when Dibert, Wally, Hobbes, and Calvin all have to vie for envelopes at the same time; simultaneously trying to avoid one another while working toward the same goal doesn’t bode well, as you might imagine.'''

'''The wheel provides the clue to the first memory-recall Roadblock, located at the Venice Skate Park: “who can topple down the competition?”   This encompasses a search through hundreds of wooden tiles about the size of a large iphone painted with various world flags. The racer’s job is to collect 13 tiles painted with the 13 countries visited on this Race, put them in the correct order visited, and successfully topple the tiles, similar to dominoes. Once the team member can complete this, a local teen will give them the next clue in the form of a skateboard with the directions to the next destination underneath. There are two catches to this. One: because the player doesn’t know how many tiles there are supposed to be, they may forget to include the U.S. as the final one, and two: if the tiles are positioned long edge down, they won’t topple correctly.'''

'''Once again, this is no easy task, as there are literally hundreds of tiles to choose from, and with limited sleep and jet lag taking effect, this proves almost impossible. Peter, the memory master, elects to go for his team, and fails to understand that the U.S., the final tile, does count, and he wastes valuable time checking attempt after attempt before he finally realizes his mistake, and even then he spaced the tiles too far apart. Luckily, he topples the flags just as Team Lazyday and Team Never Grow Up are crossing the horizon. After collecting all his tiles, Hobbes returns to the area where they all are sprawled out and proceeds to turn them all face down, so when wally returns to gather more, instead of seeing flags, he only sees hundreds of small wooden panels. How thoughtful. It’s Wally who gets the last laughs though, as Hobbes discovers he accidentally grabbed the Liberian flag rather than the Malaysian, and is forced to turn every last tile right side up to look. This puts them about even, with Hobbes snatching victory from purely calling a check first. '''

'''As designed, being handed a skateboard instead of an envelope confuses everyone, and it isn’t until Jason drops theirs that they see the directions for the next location on the bottom. Team Never Grow Up momentarily jumps ahead of Dilbert and Wally, just by placing Calvin on Hobbes’ shoulders and riding the skateboard, while dilbert can only carry it as thy walk. Bold, black print at the top warns teams not to drive, a detail that Team Lazyday thankfully spots just as they load their bags into a taxi. The viewers are not shown what exactly is on the bottom of the boards, but from the interpretations of the racers and answers from locals, they include a series of emojis guiding them toward Superba Bakery, where a Merge requires teams to use baguette dough to form 6 baguettes, using the traditional mats, 4 epis with seeds sprinkled over the top, and 2 boule loaves. '''

'''LazyDay and Never Grow Up both arrive at the bakery just in time to discover the Nerds, and announce their find with a vengeful “ah-HA!”  Because they don’t know what any of the shapes listed are, Peter, sends Jason out into the dinning room to check the display case, and comes back with a rough idea of the corect complexions. Calvin and Hobbes both forget to flower their hands before shaping, and the dough becomes a sticky mass which Calvin likens to mozzarella cheese. Never Grow Up Has the hardest time of the three, as Calvin, a child, instinctively starts to play with the hearty-smelling dough, and Hobbes single-handedly shapes all the baguettes, and the head chef dismisses his fang marks and hands them the clue. Lazyday have no such issues with the dough, but Wally spies a coffee machine and gladly pays the going millennial rate of $5.00 for the first cup of real coffee in over a month.'''

'''The bakery clue sends teams to the Heist clothing boutique (the name alarms most players), where a series of 5 outfits, worn at some point during the race are waiting for teams to arrange them in the order in which they were featured. The correct placement is''' '''Because some outfits were taken from detours, teams who didn’t choose those detours have a reason for acting confused, like Never Grow Up and The Nerds upon sight of the jockey uniforms, as they chose the opposite option in Argentina. Neither of them are daunted by the twist, though, as they use the process of elimination to overcome the lapse. Once again, The Nerds can depart first, while Team LazyDay can jump late-arriving Calvin and Hobbes. Another predictable ‘surprise’ is the employee who checks their work will not reveal the clue envelope; instead, the clue is in the pocket of the IKEA uniform. All players are used to these gimmicks by now, so this isn’t really a factor.'''

'''Calvin and Hobbes, riding the skateboard, swoop ahead of Dilbert and Wally once more. this is truly anyone’s game: Peter and Jason maintain a 15 minute lead over Never Grow Up and LazyDay, who are never separated by over 5 minutes. This type of final gives you your money's worth, amplified by the dynamic and dramatic music.'''

'''The clue at heist houses something a little different: a Merge-Roadblock combo. The names of twelve cities(not including Venice Beach) are written on twelve volleyballs. For the Merge, teams must score 12 points, one with each volleyball, against a local ametuer volleyball team until all 12 city names are earned. From there it becomes a Roadblock: the player who sat out the flag dominos must now arrange the city names on the volleyballs in the order they were visited. The nerds, for the first time this leg, experience great difficulty with the volleyball, taking nearly 20 minutes just for their first 8! Meanwhile, Lazyday and Never Grow Up have scored their 12 points and Dilbert and Calvin set to work on the categorizing.'''

'''After nearly half an hour, The Nerds finally acquire all the volleyballs, and Jason speeds through the arranging, slotting in between Lazyday and Never Grow Up. Every final, there is a team that confesses to not studying, and this year it’s Calvin, who thoroughly regrets his choice as he falls exceedingly behind. It's effectively game over for Calvin and Hobbes at this point, as Jason and Peter and Dilbert and Wally race in pursuit of the final clue. They claim marked sailboats and use gps coordinates to locate a buoy, pull up a lobster trap underneath the marked buoy, and retrieve the location of the final Pit Stop inside. The ideal technique would be for one player to steer while the other manages the gps, a system The Nerds employ much to their advantage. Both teams remain close on the water, even hitting each other on multiple occasions. There are three buoy and trap pairs, one for each team, but at the worst possible moment, the final clue, Dilbert and Jason fight over who should get which buoy. Peter is disgusted over the ordeal, and resorts to the horrible offense of actually doing the task at hand: proceeding to pull up the trap and snatch the clue, all the while Team LazyDay can only watch yell, and retreat to the next buoy. '''

Yes, folks, the final placement of teams has been settled by an argument.

'''The Nerds never look back, clamor into the taxi, and speed away in pursuit of the infamous Venice Canals. A frustrated Team lazyDay finally reels in the clue just as Calvin and Hobbes push their boat out into the surf. However, don’t be fooled that it’s over, as the Venice Canals are a large place, providing many nooks and crannies for Phil and all the previously eliminated teams to hide, making this essentially a luck based challenge worth a million dollars between Team LazyDay and The Nerds.'''

It’s over.

'''The Nerds gained their advantage early on, with their traffic detour risk, which gave them about a 10 minute lead. Usually 10 minutes isn’t enough, but this time that’s all they needed. Team LazyDay gave a valiant effort, pulling off a flawless leg, but it was the traffic and, one final time, a cab driver, that ultimately doomed them. Team Never Grow Up also did their best, though it’s never a good idea to not study for the certainty of memory challenges in a final. I believe it is fair to say that all teams this season, not just the final three, exceeded their expectations and ran a truly Amazing Race.'''
 * 1) Jason and Peter (The Nerds): WIN
 * 2) Dilbert and Wally (Team LazyDay): PLACE
 * 3) Calvin and Hobbes (Team Never Grow Up): SHOW